MIA

I have not dropped off of the face of the earth, rest assured, because I know you all missed my boring chit chat immensely. My life has stopped this past month.

My dad passed away 3 days after his 57th birthday on February 12th , exactly 7 months after having a brain tumor burst only to discover he had stage 4 brain cancer (glioblastoma). He was a fighter, fought so hard to keep going for my mom. When they removed part of his brain during two surgeries, they removed part of my dad and his ability to communicate effectively. All the while, his soul was locked inside his mind and his body had to work so hard to do normal everyday stuff. Watching him struggle was long and painful for my family; looking back over the past 7 months they were really just a blur. Does anyone ever have a chance to prepare themselves to say goodbye to the man who raised you? Can you really say all of the things you ever wanted to say to a man who couldn't respond in a way to let you know that it is okay? Living 5 hours away made it difficult every time I drove away. Would this be my last hug?

I was lucky in many ways to be there when he passed away. It was the way my dad would have wanted it. He was surrounded by his wife of alomst 36 years and 3 daughters. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way either. I am thankful that he was surrounded by love when his soul was unlocked from the prisons of his mind. He went after he knew that we, as a family, were okay with it. He left his body numerous time for a couple of days and you knew he was struggling with leaving. In the end, he knew we would be okay. We will pick up the pieces Dad. We will take care of one another.

I was unlucky in many ways to be there when he passed away. I will spare the personal details and pain. My mind is consumed with memories and thoughts of watching life leave my father's body. I will move past this but not without many tears. In the end, he is free. It is only the chains of my own mind that tie me down.

My dad believed, as well as instilled in my own mind that "Everything happens for a reason." I hope the understanding comes sooner than later.

I don't normally share my intimate life on the web, so I may delete this at a later date. I just had to get this out of my mind.

A website I put together to update friends and family members. I still need to do my final entry. I am struggling with what to write. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/edlauck